I wish i had a pet
Goldfish look pretty tasty… Granted, a brilliant gold is rarely a colour you’d associate with edible items you can find on any old ASDA shelf, unless they’ve been dunked in something artificial. Under a spotlight, the only food worth eating that pops into my mind are fish fingers: golden when cooked, right? And I hate those things anyway. Are there any good “golden” foods?
I just had dinner with my family… I’ll admit that I was disappointed that there was no meat to choose from: some stupid new diet we’re attempting. Bound to fail. I can’t imagine a world I could live in where things with faces don’t get eaten. What may be a lifestyle choice, or whatever, for some, is torture for me; KFC happens to be my religion, and the fact there was no meat on my dinner plate at dinner-ruddy-time literally sickens me.
I had the intelligent idea of walking into the kitchen while my mother and sister were cooking…
“What’re we having for dinner?” I asked…
I knew what we were having as my mum chucked an array of vegetables into the pot my sister held. There wasn’t a raw steak in sight: not one. I was tempted to go out and get one myself and I could think of nothing worse; regrettably, the kitchen is two miles from the nearest Butcher’s. A vegetarian dish was brewing and a steak wasn’t cooking. Is mother insane?
The ceiling and the walls closed in and they morphed into some paranormal shape, carving horrible, horrible vegan words into their cracks. Circus music started to play, making everything seem grotesque, yet laughable; the pots and pans, with their gargantuan grins began to ridicule me…
“Meat lover! Meat lover! You’re such a meat lover!”
My mother swirled the pink ladle around the cauldron and her head rotated from its rusty hinges. She was joking and choking and my sister remarked like a barking dog, “The shell of a slug, the beak of a bird, the leaves of a bramble, and the wax of a candle.” They were brewing me a demonic vegetarian dish and I screamed. I freakin’ screamed as loud as I ever could.
“I WISH WE HAD A STEAK! I WISH WE HAD A COW! I WISH WE HAD A PIG! I WISH WE HAD AN OWL!
I WISH WE HAD A DOG! I WISH WE HAD A CAT! I WISH WE HAD A HOG! I WISH WE HAD A BAT!
I WISH I HAD SOME MEAT, TO PUT ON MY PLATE. I WISH I HAD A PET, JUST TO EAT, FOR GOD’S SAKE!”
My mum looked over at me, with a blank stare… So did my old man, my sister and my aunt and my uncle…
“Mwabi. Grow up. Eat your vegetables.”
By Mwabi Yikona
Picture ©avlxyz
I just had dinner with my family… I’ll admit that I was disappointed that there was no meat to choose from: some stupid new diet we’re attempting. Bound to fail. I can’t imagine a world I could live in where things with faces don’t get eaten. What may be a lifestyle choice, or whatever, for some, is torture for me; KFC happens to be my religion, and the fact there was no meat on my dinner plate at dinner-ruddy-time literally sickens me.
I had the intelligent idea of walking into the kitchen while my mother and sister were cooking…
“What’re we having for dinner?” I asked…
I knew what we were having as my mum chucked an array of vegetables into the pot my sister held. There wasn’t a raw steak in sight: not one. I was tempted to go out and get one myself and I could think of nothing worse; regrettably, the kitchen is two miles from the nearest Butcher’s. A vegetarian dish was brewing and a steak wasn’t cooking. Is mother insane?
The ceiling and the walls closed in and they morphed into some paranormal shape, carving horrible, horrible vegan words into their cracks. Circus music started to play, making everything seem grotesque, yet laughable; the pots and pans, with their gargantuan grins began to ridicule me…
“Meat lover! Meat lover! You’re such a meat lover!”
My mother swirled the pink ladle around the cauldron and her head rotated from its rusty hinges. She was joking and choking and my sister remarked like a barking dog, “The shell of a slug, the beak of a bird, the leaves of a bramble, and the wax of a candle.” They were brewing me a demonic vegetarian dish and I screamed. I freakin’ screamed as loud as I ever could.
“I WISH WE HAD A STEAK! I WISH WE HAD A COW! I WISH WE HAD A PIG! I WISH WE HAD AN OWL!
I WISH WE HAD A DOG! I WISH WE HAD A CAT! I WISH WE HAD A HOG! I WISH WE HAD A BAT!
I WISH I HAD SOME MEAT, TO PUT ON MY PLATE. I WISH I HAD A PET, JUST TO EAT, FOR GOD’S SAKE!”
My mum looked over at me, with a blank stare… So did my old man, my sister and my aunt and my uncle…
“Mwabi. Grow up. Eat your vegetables.”
By Mwabi Yikona
Picture ©avlxyz